Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
