I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
