1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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