I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
