Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
