I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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