I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
