I haven't been this sober since birth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
