When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
