I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
