The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
