who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
