people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
