and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
