bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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