Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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