I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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