I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
