before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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