somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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