You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
