I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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