i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
