ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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