I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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