Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
