Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
