Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
