Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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