U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
