i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
