fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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