i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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