If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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