they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
