I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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