I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
