I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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