how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
