is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
