had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
