you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
