How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
