you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
