I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
