Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
