I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
