Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
