Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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