haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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