is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
