PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
