this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
