Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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