What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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