If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
