Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize