Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
