Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things