took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
