I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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