I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
