Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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